, “ I sighed, “I don’t really know what it is I am feeling,” I ended.“You didn’t seem to have any problems with me,” Risa suggested.“Something was different with you,” I smiled, looking her in the eyes, “It was magical, and beautiful, but mostly, I could feel just how deeply you needed to be with me. I felt strong, powerful. I felt that you would give yourself to me completely,” I tried to explain. I was out of my depth in trying to explain my feelings and my sexual desires.“What do you want, Eric? What do you need?” Risa asked, kneeling before me. Anna moved with her, the two kneeling on the floor at my feet as I sat on the bed. The image was so beautiful, so serene. I felt a lump in my throat, my eyes starting to water. I tried to blink them away.“I want to posses you, to make you mine. Maybe even both of you,” I added, looking at Anna. She smiled a serene smile that confused me. I had just admitted to wanting to own them both, and they looked at me like they were very pleased with. If I jogged the whole way home from NSCC, I could be waiting at the curb as the mailman drove up in front of our little house in his rotting Jeep with the steering wheel on the wrong side.When I run like that in the summer the sweat drips off me. But this was winter. A deep inhalation of frigid air felt like a thousand tiny daggers flying into my lungs. A gasping exhaled breath would spout a huge cloud of steam into the air. I'd futilely flap my arms for warmth while eyeing the cancerous orange rust reaching inexorably up the Jeep's sides and into its guts.The mailman probably didn't give a rip about the rust - the sooner the engine fell out, the sooner he'd get a newer rig with a newer heater. You need a good heater to survive driving around Syracuse in winter while the salt dumped on the roads relentlessly chews away at the metal around you.He always ignored me standing there, putting the mail in the corroded old mailbox instead of just handing it to me. Sometimes he'd linger to.
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